Stormsong
Stormsong is an exorcist in the Bad Slash department. He is currently NOT AVAILABLE FOR USE IN PPC WRITING by anyone except Laburnum, who asked his original author specifically if she could feature him. Mention his name if you will, though, but please credit and link to Snowspine. History Once, Stormsong was a perfectly normal comparatively innocent Mossflower weasel — well, not normal in that he wasn't anything like as violent as weasels usually are in Mossflower, but otherwise. Anyway, he reached the rank of captain in the Nighthunt horde in the epic fanfic "Vengeance Quest," made good use of his talents for music and healing, and seemed to be doing fine. His author also seemed to be doing fine, as Agents Laburnum and Foxglove were pleasantly surprised to find when they discovered the main character, the squirrel Riala Goldentail, was in fact worthy of being left alive. Unfortunately for him, Nightdeath Longclaws, leader of the horde, did not take kindly to the discovery of his healer's, ahem, alternative orientation, and chose to allow thoroughly gruesome things to be done to him, culminating very quickly in his painful death (actually the result of a mercy kill on the part of Astarte Darkmoon, another of the horde's captains; Longclaws had specifically ordered him to be left alive for him to finish off personally). Agents Laburnum and Foxglove took pity on him and saved him from this, along with Subcaptain Skyfire, who was intended to be slain by the official heroine Riala Goldentail (whose lack of a capital offence probably contributed to the agents' desire to do something worthwhile while in the fic, since there was nothing to kill). He's taking to Bad Slash work fairly well; he has excellent lung capacity and a good voice for the traditional exorcism shouts, amazing paw control after years of lute-playing and surgery, and as an ex-healer, he's good at telling what is and isn't physically possible in the NC-17 parts. Appearance Stormsong is a humanoid Least Weasel (Mustela nivalis), notable for his grey fur. He claims he was born with it, and since none of the human agents are any good at telling the ages of weasels, they don't argue. His work partner Skyfire claims it was several shades darker before he joined up, though. When in human form, his hair is still grey unless he specifies otherwise (if, for example, he's trying to disguise himself as a teenager), and he wears it in a short braid. Personality Rumour has it that, in his darker moments, Stormsong considers finding the co-ordinates for VQ and going back because a horrible death is preferable to what's currently happening to him. The list of HQ mishaps so far includes: being brought to the PPC in the first place; PTSD and very graphic flashbacks for a trauma which technically didn't happen to him; other people thinking the aforementioned situation is funny; working in the Bad Slash department, to which his official introduction was several of the sections of That Series; being persuaded to foster Molly Rath and Moses Taggson; being forced to explain to Agent Drake, among others, that he is not engaged to Skyfire; being fanboyed by Drake when said vulpine found out why his assumptions were wrong and proceeded to get his hopes up; being stalked by practically every female mustelid in the Official Fanfiction University of Redwall, both students and staff (several of whom have just started reading VQ and therefore he can't tell them exactly why he wants them to back off for fear of spoiling parts of the fic); having to spend the entirety of one mission transformed into a woman; and the fact that thanks to his semi-Shakespearean dialect a lot of the people he meets at the OFUR can’t understand half of what he says (the other agents mostly manage, though). It’s unknown why he's become so unlucky, but the generally accepted theory is that the Laws of Comedy require any character who thinks they have dignity to be singled out and have said dignity systematically removed. Research into the Laws of Narrative suggests an alternate theory of Narrative Misfortune Syndrome: the suffering he would have experienced had he stayed for his official death built up and must be released over the course of his newly elongated life, hence the sudden influx of bad luck. Considering what his "death" was like, this will take a while. He copes via music therapy with his beloved lute, the support of his new friends, regular help from Doctor Freedenberg, and a slowly increasing addiction to Bleepproducts. After all this, he's decidedly jumpier than he was in the fic he came from. This has led to at least one good thing: after his first death flashback during training, he was excused the No-Drool videos. He is also the only known agent to truly loathe the famous Discworld-originating Hedgehog Song, though considering his circumstances this is unsurprising. In his words, "'Twould not even be such a bad song if 'twere true." He refused to elaborate, and the other agents' reactions range from relief to disappointment. He actually doesn't mind having Molly and Moses around as much as he pretends to. He has Molly under better control than Skyfire does, generally by giving her sweets or shiny objects as a bribe to shut up and behave. She addresses him as "Uncle Stormy" — once again in his words, "What? I drew the line at 'New Daddy'." He has developed a habit of performing acts of heroism: he and Skyfire assisted Foxglove's clichéd but still workable plan to save Laburnum when the recruiting mission went wrong, he exorcised a Bad Slash Sue-wraith from Drake during a That Series mission, and he was a valuable fighter in the 2008 Mary Sue Invasion. Mission Reports Home: Tabula Rasa - Writing (scroll down) Some missions also available at RC 88 - in progress. Partnered with Skyfire ; September 2006 * "Rescues and Recruitment" (Redwall) ** In which Stormsong and Skyfire are recruited. ; Late 2006 * An accident with a TARDIS during training transports Stormsong and Skyfire forward in time, meaning they didn't do their first mission until ... ; Summer 2007 * That Series (Redwall) *: WARNING: Missions in That Series are neither Work Safe nor Brain Safe. ** That Series Introduction *** In which an alert is sent out to all Mossflower agents. Stormsong and Skyfire's (currently) first known appearance at PPC HQ. ** The first mission in That Series (on archive.is) *** In which Stormsong and Skyfire get more than they bargained for. ** The third mission in That Series (on archive.is) *** In which the most bizarre, if not quite the most disgusting installment of That Series is dealt with. ** The fourth mission in That Series (on archive.is) *** In which the agents bond, and combat scenes possibly more bizarre than in the previous mission. ** The fifth mission in That Series *** In which the agents receive a distinct lack of warnings from the Intelligence Department, and combat possibly the largest number of irritating canon breaks yet. Also known as the Redneck Trees mission. ** Interlude: New Kids *** In which Skyfire takes Stormsong to Medical – with unexpected results. ** The tenth mission in That Series *** In which Stormsong and Skyfire work with Naomi and Drake, with awkward situations abounding. ; October 2007 * The Purging Party at the Official Fanfiction University of Redwall: arrival, party and aftermath. ; November 2007 * "Hand Maidens," Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 (Harry Potter) ** Sue: Princess Rikai * Interlude ; December 2007 * "For Your Eyes Only," Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 (Naruto) ** Legendary Badfic "For Your Eyes Only" * "Rope" (Sweeney Todd) * Three Chrismas Specials set at OFUR in 2007. ; April 2008 * 2008 Mary Sue Invasion (RP) ** Part 4 - "Reinforcements From OFUR" ** Part 8 - "The Massacre at the Tomb" ; Late 2010 * MST3K: "Blood Omen" (unfinished). ; Early 2011 * OFUR: Farewell Category:PPC Agents Category:Department of Bad Slash Category:Previously Featured Agents